(Read Part I first 😀 .)
Another external factor that should be considered is a child’s socio-economic class. This paints a different worldview for each person. While we might be more aware of it in lower class families, poor soil can be found in any class. I was once guilty of judging the impoverished families of our community for how they ran their families, and I am so thankful that I had a change of heart.
As soon as the strap hit my shoulder I knew something wasn’t right. Heart racing, I unbuckled my bag only to find that my wallet had been stolen. Stolen? Yes-stolen. I was heart-broken; it was most likely pocketed by a person who came to our office seeking shelter, funds or food.
The church’s community meal was the next day, and unlike previous shifts, I was not feeling good about this one. My heart was bitter. Needless to say, the disappearance of my wallet gave me a resentful filter through which I viewed the entire evening. My usual common courtesies of small talk or topping off waters were non-existent.
Despite my sullen mindset, I remained faithful to my volunteer hours. The following week was Christmas, and each family would receive a gift from us. With my prickly attitude and low expectations, I began lining up these twenty-plus bags of groceries.
The fake Holiday-cheer of mine quickly faded with the first person who fought me on the “one-per-household” rule. It also did not help my morale when families sent different children through the line to get an extra bag. But I remained faithful. I showed up and served.
My infant daughter joined me at the next weekly meal. I wore her in a carrier. She and I weaved through tables giving refills and taking trays. Similar to before, I was not emotionally present until a voice shook me out of myself. “How old is your baby?” I turned around to see a round-faced, brunette in her mid-twenties with a messy ponytail and pastel sweats. She was surrounded by a flock of children.
Our paths had crossed before, but the extent of our conversation was based on her preferred amount of gravy.
“One,” I said.
“She walkin’ yet?”
“Yes. On Christmas day, she just decided to take off,” I replied.
After sharing a chuckle, she did something unexpected. She went around the table and shared the early milestones of all of her children. Sharing at great length, she spared no detail. Her cup overflowed with pride and love. Her memory far surpassed mine, and I only had one child. Prior to this moment, I had wrongfully doubted her competence as a mother. In fact, since the wallet situation, I had been viewing all of the guests as potential thieves who could not be trusted.
Suddenly, I was ashamed of my thoughts and suspicions. As I walked back into the kitchen, the Holy Spirit humbled me. I realized that while my lens was temporarily tarnished, God’s perspective is always grace-filled. God loved her and me in the same unconditional way. Regardless of social class, God sees through a filter of love. Instantaneously, my negative lens was wiped clean, and my bitter dehumanizing thoughts vanished.
Awareness of one-another’s story is key as we serve others in Christian love. Even though grace is God’s gift to all social classes, each person brings a different set of values and perspectives to the table. Since Bluebonnet Children can be planted in any socioeconomic class, it does nothing but enhance our ministry if we are intentional in our understanding of these differences and opportunities.
One leading expert on this topic is Ruby Payne. While I do not know her personally, she holds a very special place in my heart. My mother was enthralled with her work while she was completing her Masters of Education Degree. In Payne’s book, “Bridges out of Poverty; a Framework for Understanding Poverty”, she clearly articulates the unwritten parameters by which the impoverished, the middle class and the wealthy move through the world. Her work has been monumental in the world of education; and has influenced numerous community initiatives that are eradicating poverty (not an overstatement).
With this chart as a tool in comprehending my experience at our community meal, offering mercy naturally takes less effort. My wallet was (most likely) stolen by one who sincerely believed that he had no real control over how his life turned out. Like cards, the lives of the impoverished (so they believe) were dealt to them and choice plays no role in their circumstance. Unlike other socioeconomic classes that revere the concept of personal responsibility, whoever took my teal Liz Claiborne wallet believed that the rest of the world owed him something. No judgment here-it is what it is.
Furthermore, since persons in extreme poverty operate out of a “survival mode”(in which all decisions are based on temporary feelings) it makes sense that many parents deemed it “moral” to send their kids through the grocery gift line under false pretense. When a person’s main goal is feeding their family, the black and white rules of the surrounding culture fade to grey. Political connection? Personal achievement? Nope-the driving force here is to simply live. Wake up tomorrow morning? Mission accomplished.
When someone is operating out of survival mode, they are also unable to plan ahead or even envision the future. All basic needs must be met first. Sadly this is not the case for those who are in poverty. We know this from Sir Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basic needs must precede all psychological needs and needs of self-fulfillment. It should not be surprising to us that our meal guests are not rushing to worship with us on Sunday morning. How can we expect them to give any thought to the spiritual trajectory of their lives while they’re not even sure from where their next meal will come? And for those of us who serve in Children’s and Family Ministry, what does partnering with a parent from this family look like?
Grappling with questions such as these will equip us as a Bluebonnet Child’s supplemental family and in time, Christ will reveal the answers. As partners with Him in the Gospel, He is counting us to become aware; aware of self, aware of His holy hums (through prayer), and aware of the internal and external factors of each child’s story. May our awareness move us towards action on the pages to come.
Questions to Ponder
- Are you aware of your gifts (talents) and limitations? How could you better honor both of these?
- What does your ideal regimen of prayer look like? How do you operate differently when you are fully in tune with the Holy Spirit?
- Think of a time in your ministry when a lack of awareness towards a person’s story (all of the internal and external factors at play) negatively affected the situation. Looking back, offer a solution for a better outcome. Send up a prayer for those involved.