Birthday Broom: The Dust of 32 That I Leave Behind

Like all other slightly neurotic, goal-obsessed go-getters out there, my 33rd birthday held space for self-reflection (and seconds on cake). During this time, I remembered my Grandpa helping me move-in to my first place. 

We were unpacking in the kitchen and he pulled out my ole’ dorm broom and said, “We gotta getcha a new broom, Meggie Lee.”(He’s Southern.)

“Nah–” I said, “That one’s fine. No need to waste money.”
“Nope.” he said walking it out to the patio, “ Ya never want the dust of the ole’ home to follow ya into your new one.” 

Now while my 30s have been way more fun than my 20s (‘Tis true, Ms. 22.), there’s still some dust on my sandals that I need to shake off. There are certain emotions, beliefs, and aspirations that are no longer needed on my journey.

So, on this day, June 26, 2019, this 33-year-old shakes off the dust of the following and treads onward. 

• I no longer will take on the emotional energy of others. Their emotional work is theirs to do, and I can opt in or out in feeling what they feel and in helping them. 

• I will no longer seek out social atmospheres only for compliments, but instead, find affirmation from myself and know that I’m already enough (even if no one is around to applaud). 

• I release the power that painful memories have over me. Even the darkest of times bring forth the healing light of Christ, and it is in reclaiming the power that was once taken from me through pain, that I realize how much power I had all along.

• I release my desire to control  broken relational systems; for no matter my drive, it’s impossible for a single person to mend an entire system. 

• I release some grudges toward those who have hurt me. It was wrong of me to expect their love to wholly satisify, as it came from such a broken place. We cannot give what we do not have.  

• I let go of the emotion of sadness over certain doors closing; for I have learned that sometimes rejection really is a form of protection. 

• I let go of my guilt that I carry as a parent for times that my words or actions unintentionally hurt my child. Mistakes are inevitable and failure is necessary for growth. 

• I let go of this idea that every moment of my life is a performance; for as Shark Tank’s Barbara Corcoran said, “Frankly, no one is watching, and nobody gives a damn.” (They really don’t, fellow people-pleaser.) 

• I let go of the annoyance toward my husband for not caring one bit about keeping up with appearances; for it would be healthy for me to learn from him on this (but don’t tell him I said that). 

• I let go of my need to justify my actions with facts and figures; for my intuition is trustworthy and has been waiting a long time to have more say.