“It’s not about you.” My grandmother corrected over the phone. A rookie on the job, I had found myself in the midst of a monumental personality clash with a coworker. I was livid and was seeking a hype-man of sorts-or at least a pan on the back. Neither did she deliver. “It’s not about you, Meggie Lee.” She said,”You gotta get your ego out of the way so God can move in that church.” this was not the starched sheets and cornbread kind-of love for which she was known;and while it took some time, I was eventually convinced. I was so wrapped up in myself-my talents and preferences for ministry-that I was oblivious to what the Holy Spirit was up to.
This is similar to when Jesus washed Peter’s feet. At his first attempt, Peter protested. Then when Jesus persisted , Peter refuted that Jesus’ plan for merely his feet would not suffice. Peter was missing the mark. This teachable moment was not about him, his past mistakes or dreams of greatness. It was about what Christ could do through him. It was not about Peter, just like it was never about me.
And this paradoxical truth is what makes following Jesus so overwhelmingly joyful one moment and heartrendingly difficult the next. As children of God, our Creator thirsts to be in relationship with us; hence Jesus. This sacrificial love is life-giving. Furthermore, the Holy Spirit enables me to live like Christ. I am guided in ways, humble ways, that are contradictory to my nature. What once seemed uncomfortable becomes innate in me as the Holy Spirit takes the reigns. It is so refreshing to know that the heavy lifting is covered as long as I trust in Him.
This is, of course, easier said than done. Christ calls us to trust in him at all costs. Fearful are we, because our trust has been broken before. This leads to another bump in the road-our world is broken. God’s voice isn’t easily heard here. Impure voices drown it out; voices of vanity, voices of greed. And herein lies the greatest challenge of all. In order to become true disciples who trust that Jesus will take care of the heavy lifting, we must accept that we, in some small way, helped to make the mess. Ouch. No more displacing the blame, no more delusions of grandeur; for we are imperfect without Christ.
As disciples, we look out over the world for how He is calling us to heal; while also looking within to find our own need for healing. Granting all this, discipleship is not all about me, but it’s about me nonetheless. It’s about my willingness to answer the call and my acceptance of His grace.