I was at a dear friend’s house and my daughter and her friend were walking the beautiful land with us.
(If you look closely, you can see them forging ahead of us into the sunset in the pic above.)
They kept saying, “Let’s go find some new secret pathways! Yeah!” And then they would wave their branches proudly.
The funny thing was, each “new, secret pathway” they found was a path on which they had already tread. It was not new or different at all. They were going in a giant circle–it was hilarious!
This reminded me of how when I look closer at most things that trigger me–those things that I let ruin my day– they are at their root emerging from the same wound within.
Sure it may feel like a new experience at first, but when I get quiet enough to feel its loud, intrusive thoughts, I recognize it.
Hey there, same ole’ Wound. We meet again.
There is a big chance that for longer than I would like to admit, you, Wound, will be the culprit behind the majority of my crappy days.
Turns out you are a deeper cut than I expected. Or should I say, that you have more layers than I first thought?
Turns out that when I thought I healed you back in August, I only healed one of your many layers. And here you are again inviting me to feel a little deeper and heal another layer. How thoughtful of you. 😉
Shit.
This is uncomfortable and hard work.
Can’t I just squirt some proverbial Neosporin on you already!?
You are a sneaky one, Wound, and I am trying to see moments when you pop up through my interactions with others or fears at 2 AM on the way to the bathroom as moments to continue our healing work.
Even those moments with others that are undesirable, to say the least, I am realizing that EVEN THEN there is something that I get to learn.
There is something that I get to learn about you, Wound, about myself, and about how I want to be healed.
I will keep on seeing you, Wound, not as just a random, new, crappy day, but as the same wound that wants to be seen and nurtured. The same wound that wants to be healed.
I will see you, Wound, as one who wants to tread on actually different peaceful and fearless paths as I, but I can’t get there until I take the time to feel and heal the many layers of you.
I can’t get there until I take the time to feel and heal the many layers of you.
And if I don’t, if I push you down and ignore you,
I will just be waving my branch and shouting aimlessly…
walking in a giant circle…
repeatedly….
going nowhere.
I see you, Wound.
I see you.