I feel as though I have stepped into a time machine; for these past five weeks have felt like a day. I feel as though I have exchanged sleep for a brand new worldview; for as soon as she was placed in my arms, my perspective on everything changed. I feel as though words like: ‘honored’, ‘blessed’, and ‘amazed’ fall short to express the miracle of birth and motherhood; for God’s greatest gift now drools on my shoulder.
As one with a translocation in my thirteenth and twenty-second chromosome, this beautiful moment was once a far-off fantasy. We stepped out on faith through natural conception. This purely intentioned (and very-well researched) risk was what birthed this blog.
And now here I am, madly in love with a very vocal, double-chinned, eleven pound soul called Henley June. I felt a divine nudge to enter into the sacred role of ‘parent’. God not only called, but God is also equipping me for this role. Gratitude consumes me. No role has ever consisted of so much joy, yet so much fear. I feel this emotional juxtaposition will outlive my six week maternity leave. Who am I kidding? It will outlive her eighteenth birthday.
This season of bonding and adjusting to our new rhythm has been eye-opening. My husband and I quickly discovered that there is a plethora of parenting philosophies out there. To add to our anxiety as new parents, all claim to be healthy and right. This hair-pulling discovery quickly led to an increased trust in our own intuition. Both of us are striving to tune into and meet her needs with our own unique gifts. I have never been more in love with my Husband. His gentle, detail-oriented and sensitive nature makes him a wonderful Father. Plus, he flirts with me when I feel like the furthest thing from attractive.
My pre-existing respect for stay-at-home parents has tripled-talk about hard work! Each day consisted of shifting around priorities and redefining productivity. Should I shower or serenade her in our rocker? No, the laundry is not folded, but she is fed and happy. SUCCESS! As an efficiency-lovin’ go-getter, I have been surprised at how easily this shifting and redefining as come to me. I am praying this continues as I return to work with her in a week. This is very bittersweet.
Both callings, parenthood & vocational ministry reside within me. I have been so blessed to only work thirty hours a week, with a very flexible schedule AND the privilege to bring her with me. (Praise God!) While I feel my position is perfectly in line with my gifts, a big part of me does not want my maternity leave to end. This feeling is unexpected. I thought I would be more than ready to return to work after six-weeks, but alas I was wrong. She has me wrapped around her little finger. However, I trust that this new chapter will bring a whole new slew of precious moments. As we forge into my office, the Holy Spirit will be awaiting our arrival. God will surely guide us as we dot the “Is” and cross the “ts” of balancing career and family. While my desire for a longer maternity leave is not so, my “maternity stay” has just begun; for the title of ‘mother’ is one of great permanence of honor.